Test

ke. A small reminder not to take oneself so seriously.

So as I was walking out of my community college today...some kid was playing "Creep" by radiohead and he was angsty about it...then his guitar string bro

offenses to the senses.

i'm neurotic about silence in a library. i consider it respect for others and find it offensive when people break that silence to: talk, leave their phone ringer on, or choose to consume crunchy/loud meals in their cubby. i feel bad if my ice coffee slushes around when i go to take a sip...choosing to pack carrots, apples and crackers for your trip to the library just seems crazy to me.

i realize that my observation and feeling compelled to document it is, in itself, crazy as well. i'm humble enough to admit that.

anyway, the real point of this post is to just document a couple of offensive things, crunching aside, that have i've witnessed within a 24 hour period:

1.) roommate's gf, S, (okay, the crunchy neighbor's phone just went off...grrr!...anyway) walked into our house yesterday with takeout food. my dog ran up to her (as he runs up to all guests) and she states the following: "oh C! hello! i have Indian takeout, so you must be coming to say hi to me because i smell like R (my boyfriend)."

R was born in a country in South America. Culturally, he identifies with the Caribbean. His bloodlines, if you traced them back, would take you to Portugal and India. Yes, he cooks West Indian curry dishes. But, no, it is not the same as East Indian curry and he does not identify as "Indian". With her ignorance of his heritage and culture aside, why would you EVER say that?

2.) roommate's gf, S, (again) was sitting in our living room this morning (she stays in our house all day even when roommate is at work...huge annoyance) talking to one of our old roommates and asks him if his gf (who is of Asian descent) has any friends who look like his gf for her to hook up with (isn't that cheating? i dunno) because she thinks Asian girls who aren't skinny are hot. so not only did she express an Asian fetish, which is offensive, but she also insinuated that she thought old roommate's gf is not "thin"...WHAT?

she obviously has no idea that she's being highly offensive. she's ignorant and narrow. i've met her kind, before. i USUALLY don't respond to this kind of craziness, but she practically lives at our house...so i have to. she's inside my place of residence.

had it.

i cyclically get into points where i've "had it" with my living situation with my boyfriend, R. i never claim to be the neatest person in the world, but i have my standards and clean common areas is one of them.

i live with 5 guys. and a dog. that does not predispose me for a clean house to begin with, but watching R leave his belongings in places where they don't belong makes me crazy.

and i'm not someone to nag, hand-hold, or enable. it makes me mad that i have to routinely approach him to bring his boxers from the bathroom floor to the laundry basket, take his worn socks out of his shoes and put them in the laundry, put his dirty dishes sitting on the coffee table into the sink or dishwasher...load the dishwasher...change the garbage bag, throw used tissues into the garbage instead of the floor....all of these things make me sick and having to ask him to do these things that come naturally not only to me but to most people, make me so frustrated.

we've argued and fought over this. the ultimate argument on his part is: there are so many things that he wishes i'd do differently, and he's patient with me about it (meanwhile he has never approached me about any of these things, so this is a surprise)...and that i need to be patient and love him more.

at the end of the day, i want a man in my life, not a boy who i have to constantly watch over and make sure he's doing what he's supposed to be doing.

he's so oblivious to my requests for him to clean up his messes, when i ask nicely and jokingly (trying to make light of it)...and then is shocked when i'm in tears after a month of watching the house go straight to shit because (not ONLY him) everyone let it. i can't be the one picking up after everyone and i can't be the one lecturing everyone on how to live...but i can tell him what bothers me and that sucks that he's the one who hears it from me, but i can't live like that.

obviously, i'm at that point again and i just want to move out. this is so stressful for me, that i'd rather live somewhere else than constantly remind him to be cognizant of his surroundings and his roommates and what may be gross behavior in their eyes...namely mine.

ok.

so the following has happened, since May:

• May - i got into nursing school (YAY!)
• September - i quit my corporate job
• September - i can now actively blog about my life without worrying about being "discovered"
• September - i moved in with R, and four other guys...most of whom i've been friends with for years.
• September - my dog, C, lives with us too and it's awesome.
• September - i began clinical rotations as a nursing student...interesting stuff
• October - my sister, E, got married (YAY!)
• December - i made it through my first semester of nursing school (YAY!)
• Always - i'm broke (NO YAY)

i'm very interested in going into further detail about the past 10 months (holy shit)

i'm also very interested in attempting to document my clinical rotation experiences i've had with my clients without, of course, divulging their identity...

honestly, life was so boring to me because i felt like i was constantly juggling a dual-life of being in the corporate arena during the day and going to school/library/Starbucks at night...trying to make my dream happen. and being miserable used to be the very fuel i needed to write creatively and passionately...but i'm not miserable anymore. there's no cubicle, no fluorescent lighting and no Microsoft Outlook to stare at for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week.

i finally got out i'm finally acclimating with the fact that i'm actually going to realize this dream. that's exciting to me. i don't know how this whole "being happy" business will affect the quality/quantity/frequency of my writing, but i'm willing to give it a shot. a little frightening to think about blogging without complaints...i'll have to find some to throw in there, for good measure.

really?

so what does it mean when the guy you broke up with 1 yr and 7 months ago, who was pressuring you to marry him because you were "the only one" for him and if you left him he'd then "dedicate his life to Jesus and ask to be deployed to Afghanistan" (read: threat), marries someone with the same name as you 1 yr and 4 months later....?

shocking? yes. shocking because he preached and preached and preached about how he and i were put here by God for each other, preached on about how i was ignoring the fact that were supposed to be together, by wanting to break up...preached on about how i was always coming up short in our relationship...making me feel terrible about myself....all so he could carve me into this ideal wife of his he managed to find anyway, not even a year and a half after we broke up...yeah, and she's a lauren.

that worked out well for him. excuse me while i continue to work through my damage...