leaves.

i kid you not, i saw a building employee literally vacuuming leaves off of the sidewalk with a vacuum cleaner that was plugged into the lobby.

how strange is that? i wish i had a photos.

what happened to a rake, or a broom? or just letting leaves fall in front of your doorway.

that was on my way to jury duty.

we were free to go by 12:40...which was awesome. i have so much going on tomorrow that i could not afford to be out of The Office today.

i need to keep on taking deep breaths for the next 1.75 hrs.

cold.

it's so cold that i can't feel my fingers....i mean i obviously can, since i'm typing...but it feels like i can't...know what i mean?

chilled. to. the. bone.

blegh.

the boyfriend and i are wondering why we live in the part of the country that has 4 actual seasons, that actually fluctuate from the previous one. winter is so harsh in new england. i don't know why people live in this tundra of a place.

i had to drop the bf off at work this morning (his car has a problem that is taking a while to be fixed), which is technically in the opposite direction of my office but since he has to be at work on time, unlike me, i drop him off by 7:30 and get to my office by 8:30...30-40 minutes earlier than if i were to go to work straight from my own apartment without dropping him off.

strange right? i behave much better when other people are relying on me for something...i don't rely on myself to get up on time, so i never do. i wish i knew how to rely on myself for that because i honestly feel better when i wake up earlier. i feel more awake and prepared for life.

i actually read in this psych. book that people with depression (i'm convinced i have seasonal affective disorder) are in better spirits when they wake up way early. since it's now winter, i should do the same to avoid the winter blues i feel like i usually get.

on a more aggravating note, my apartment is not fully functioning in the heat department. i mean, heat radiates of the radiators, but not to any impressive degree. and i'd use a space heater in my room, but every time i turn it on i reset the fuse box so our power goes out. HOW GHETTO IS THAT?!

AND our shower head only shoots water out (like a high pressure firehose, no "shower"ing to be had in our shower) of half of its head...so i bought a new shower head to replace it and the landlord has yet to install it.

two completely huge issues that i cannot go on living with. no, i'm not going to kill myself...i'm going to continue b*tching to my landlord about fixing it and if he doesn't i'm seriously considering moving out or withholding rent. getting my 2 rather make-peace-not-war roommates on board with this idea is going to be the hard part. i think if i refuse, they'll refuse. hopefully it's that easy.

that's all for now...

weak.

what a week:

monday - i go to the tattoo parlor i've been longing to try out for over a year to get my memorial tattoo for my best friend who i lost last year on 11/11/07. i get it done in brown, so when it heals it'll look like henna which is used for mehndi...a popular Indian artform for a woman's hands/arm/legs/feet. it all meant so much. the tattoo artist, Ben, was super nice and tattoo'ed me perfectly. it's exactly where i want it. getting used to having a mark on my forearm is taking a little time but i know once it's healed, i'll be totally used to it. all long sleeved shirts from now on in The Office, that's for sure.

tuesday - this day last year was one i'll never forget. it was the day i lost one of my best friends. i wish i could write more about her, but i have too many feelings going on to go into depth about it. she was an amazing woman, stronger than i ever knew and beautiful. truly beautiful. i miss you, girl.

wednesday - today would have been her 27th birthday. i can't believe we lost her the day before her 26th...it only feels like yesterday. a life cut too short. happy birthday.

thursday - i can't seem to get myself up out of bed this morning, so call into work late...i head in at 11 instead of the supposed 9 am. on my way to work i speak with my mother who let me know that her brother died on Tuesday...she was never close to him as an adult so he was never around as my "uncle" but it's still saddens me that he is gone. it goes to show that whatever you're putting off to be done tomorrow, you should do today. like, what if he wanted to get back in touch with my mum or vice versa...that chance is not here anymore. it could have been done monday. so if anyone reads this thing...reconnect with those you miss and tell the ones you love that you love them and finally do what you've been putting off! =) you'll thank me later.

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i have a psych. exam tonight which i don't think will be the most difficult of exams. i'm hungry and am feeling guilty for coming into work late...i worry i might get fired, but honestly my boss has no idea that i was late today...he doesn't work in my office. that's no reason to continue being late so next week i vow to be at LEAST on time for work, if not EARLY.

i had to write that so i'll have a better chance of adhering to it.

dating.

so my parents recently separated (april) and just the other day, my mum tells me she has created an online profile on a matchmaking website. what?!

my mum is 64 years old and bored, apparently. or at least that's what she says. if i were to term it, i'd probably term it as lonely more than bored, but who am i? her daughter, that's who. haha.

her daughter who was asked to post her mother's "best photo" up on these sites. did her daughter come through on the task? you bet.

see, my parents split didn't affect me personally. i don't have any resentment, bitterness, [insert divorce related emotion here]. i just don't. i don't think they were good together and i think they're better off apart.

i do, however, feel bad for my father because he will never take the initiative to date again and he will also never learn how to cook: two things i'd have for him if i had my way. but again, who am i to want these things. he should be wanting these things himself.

anyway, it tickles me that my mum is dating again, after 30 years. good for her.

i have hope.

here's to hope, guys.